Well frankly I don’t know what 'C' is for. I suppose it can be ‘cede’ which means in general terms ‘to give up’ which is basically on my mind. That’s why it’s been so long since the last proper blog post. You always get that oomph to do something and you have pages upon pages to write and then as soon as it comes, it goes. Everything is in blocks and is never smooth with me and it’s something I hate. Every couple of months I want to do something and have such motivation to do them such as drawing or writing or reading and then after a month or so, it just disappears no matter how hard I try to keep it on a high. This then turns into, “I give up and can’t be bothered!” and then life becomes a little depressing because everything is ‘pointless’ and ‘won’t last’.
Everything with me is the same. I go from one hobby to the next. I try such and such for a few years then drop it and try something else for a few years. Then when I look at everyone else, they stick to things and become good at them whereas I’m always sort of average or below because nothing ever lasts long with me. I want to stick with something because I want to be good at it and develop it a bit but my head goes off lack there isn’t any concentration or motivation with it.
Even after all these years of trying things out to what I like and will stick to, it never happens. Even at 17 I know exactly what I’ll be like in 20 years time because I’ll still be trying to find that one thing that I have passion for and stick with it.
Fine, o.k., so maybe I am a little depressed at the moment because nothing is happening but then again if it was during the year were I had school to contend with and things were happening, I’d still be like this. I do have a lot of advice maybe for myself or maybe for others but I never take my own advice. I know exactly what is best for me and some ways to maybe sort a few things out like motivation problems, but actually taking it, applying it, and doing something about it is completely different. In simple terms, I can talk the talk but not walk the walk. It’s very difficult indeed.
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2 comments:
I like you am quite whimsical - one moment I'll have my heart set on doing somthing and will pursue it for a while before suddenly giving it up seemingly and doing something else.
At the end of the day, week or month I always end up in a great pool of sadness because upon reflection it appears I have achieved nothing. Just half done things - meaning to go back and complete them but never really doing so - as even if/when I do return to finish them I never finish them to my best efforts.
In the end I think to myself, 'thats what tou get trying to do too much at the same time and not sticking to one thing'
Like you I never take my advice and next month I'm stuck in the exact same situation. We'll never learn will we?
Thank you for your comment and now we know we are not the only ones in the world that have problems like this.
I have this thing, like you said, when you go back to do something and only finish it with half the effort, but I like to finish things before moving on and to get them out of the way before starting something else. If I leave an unfinished job, even after 6 months after leaving it, I still get that niggling feeling and feel a little frayed like an untied piece of rope.
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